Friday, October 10, 2014

The Beast In The Woods


Mikkel Sharwar
Mrs. Belden
Honours English 1
4 October 2014

A dark and moonless night, animals disturbingly rustling in the trees and the crickets chirping louder than usual. “Jack, something doesn’t feel right, I’m scared, can we just go down the regular path?”, Jack rolled his eyes as he humored his little sister Kait. “Kait, there’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s all in your head”, jack tried to explain to his sister that the boogie man wasn’t going to mug her in the middle of the Pineland woods, in Southern New Jersey, these…  “But Jack!”, yelled Kait. “No buts, and besides we’re almost home.”, Jack exclaimed as he continued to regret bringing his little sister along in the first place. Jack, who’s 16, never thinks much of any superstitions, but everyone, including his 10 year old sister, Kait, have been talking about, “The Beast”, as they call it. A monster who’ll capture you if you go near it’s lair, which is apparently in the woods... “Just because dogs howl in harmony at the same time every night, doesn’t mean that there’s a beast in the woods that comes out every night in search of food. That’s probably just a coincidence, and all that talk about a beast living in the woods in the first place, is a bunch of crap...” thought Jack. Anyway, Jack and Kait were almost home. Jack could see the house now, through an opening in the woods. “See Kait, we’re home and there wasn’t any, “Beast”. Was there? It’s all just a bunch of dumb superstitions”, Said Jack. “Yeah Yeah, now can we just get home already? Mom’s gonna be worried if we’re late, so come on Jack!” said Kait. “Ok, lets go.” Jack couldn’t believe that his sister still believed in this crap the town’s been talking about.... But just then, something really wasn’t right, everything was dead silent except for a rustling in the nearby bushes. “Run home Kait, there’s something I’ve got to take care of…” “But Jack!” stammers Kait. “Didn’t I already say, no buts! Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, now hurry home!” Kate knew better than to argue with her big brother, besides, she knew that Jack always did something for a reason. “Clarity of thought before rashness of action!”, Jack always said. “Ok Jack, but hurry!”, and with that she bolted away towards their house, “Man she can run fast” thought Jack. “It looks like I’m gonna be late to Mike’s house”, thought Jack. He was supposed to meet Mike, his best friend, this friday night after he walked home Kait from her gymnastics class. He figured some punks were trying to ambush him, and were hiding in the nearby rustling bushes, so he picked up a large stick and turned towards the rustling bushes. “Come out here and face me like a man, I know you’re hiding in there!”, yelled Jack. But just then an unnatural blood curdling howl came from the bushes...

Meanwhile at Mike’s house, he’s already started to play video games with out Jack, (as usual), “Yes! Triple kill streak!” Yells Mike as he plays BattleField 3. “Where the heck could Jack be?” he asks as he glances at the time. “Maybe he’s doing something at his house? Probably just finishing up his weekend homework” Mutters Mike. Unlike Jack, Mike likes to do his homework at the very last minute. “Hmmm, I’ll just email him” says Mike as he quits out of his video game and enters the web browser on his Playstation 3, (PS3). “Jack, where the heck are you!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago! Listen Man if you’re gonna be a little late you can at least let me know. Sincerely,  -Mike” types Mike as he emails his message. “Another half hour later Mike checks his email, “That’s strange, Jack hasn’t responded?” Whatever, this isn’t even that fun without Jack”, and then Mike does the unthinkable, He starts on his homework. An hour later Mike finishes (more or less). “Now I can go to Jack’s house to find out what he’s been up to…” Thinks Mike excitedly. “Mom! I’m going over to Jack’s house, ok?”, yells Mike. “Have you finished your homework?”, asks Mike’s mom. “Ya mom”, says Mike. “Well then come home soon, ok? Not any later than 11:30!”, yells Mike’s mom. “Sure mom, whatever” mumbles Mike, and with that he dashes out the door. As Mike knocks on Jack’s door, Kait, Jack’s little sister, opens it, “Is Jack there?”, asks Mike. “I thought he went over to your house after he sent me home, that’s what I told Mom…” Kait thinks aloud. “I mean I didn’t want Jack getting in trouble, but if he’s not with Mike then where the heck could he be!?!?!?!?!?” Wonders Kait as she scrunches her eyebrows and stairs down at the floor. “What’s the matter Kait?” asks Mike a little suspiciously. “I thought he was with you?!?!?!?” asks Kait desperately with tears in her eyes. “Now, calm down Kait, just tell me what’s going on, ok?” asks Mike trying to sound comforting. “Ok Mike, but you can’t tell anyone, at least, not yet, deal?” asks Kait hopefully. “Uhhh, sure....” says Mike stupidly. “Well we were walking home through the woods”, started Kait, “Wait, WHAT?!?!?!?!? You went through the woods.....?” Asks Mike in a freaked manner. “Yes Mike, now shall I go on?”, asks Kait annoyedly. “Yeah, sure, sorry, just go on”, stammers Mike. “Well, when we were almost home, Jack suddenly tells me to run home, and insists he’ll be fine, and that he just has something to take care of. I figured he just wanted to do something that he thought would be too scary for me or something, and then he would go through the woods as a shortcut to your house”, says Kait in a small voice. “Don’t worry Kait, we’ll find him”, stammers Mike, trying to sound hopeful. He knew that his friend  “Maybe I should go look for him”, says Mike, a little fear in his voice. “No way! If you’re going, then... SO AM I!” hollers Kait. “Ok ok, there’s no point in arguing with her anyway”, thinks Mike. “Ok Kait, fine, you can come”, mumbles Mike half heartedly. “Yay!”, yells Kait. The two of them run off into the woods.

The last thing Jack remembers is a screaching holler that clouded his eardrums, then everything just went black. “Ohh man, my head...” stammers Jack. “Where am I...”, he wonders as he inspects the giant rusting cage he’s been lying in. After a little while Jack still doesn’t know why or what happened to him, but all he knows is that he’s got to escape from his prison. Every morning at dawn, the beast returns from it’s daily hunt and brings back a fresh supply of small forest animals to eat, after it leaves every evening just before the sun sets. Jack managed not to be noticed too much by the horrid beast that has trapped him in his prison. “Disgusting... that thing’s gonna eat me the first chance it gets, I should really practise being more quiet”, wonders Jack. “Lucky for me this thing’s got the memory of a maggot, I’ll bet it doesn’t even remember capturing me, and if it does...... Then it must be waiting for me to wake up so it can eat me alive, painfully” thinks Jack with hand on his heart. At last, he figures out how to get out of this mess. Jack notices a small crack in one of the bars of the cage he’s in,”The cage itself is extremely old and rusted, so it figures that after a while it’ll begin to deteriorate, I can bust it open… the next time this creature leaves for its daily hunt, I’ll break out!” wonders Jack a little excitedly, “No I have to finish this, who knows how many other people could get hurt by this beast, yes I must kill this wild animal”, thinks Jack with hate and murder in his eyes. So he plots his escape quietly, while pretending to be unconscious in the cage. He decides that breaking out won’t be that hard, “Since the rusting cage is really weak, all I have to is kick some of the already cracked bar really hard to break it, but finishing off this monster isn’t going to be that easy.....” wonders Jack. The sensation of wanting to just run away, the temptation, it was so strong that Jack almost decided to just run away. Ever since Jack’s father died he basically became the man of the house, but when his dad was living, he taught Jack a lot of valuable lessons. One was that, “YOU CAN NEVER RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS, BECAUSE IF YOU DO THEN IT’LL ALWAYS COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU, WHEN YOU’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING, YOU’VE JUST GOTTA FINISH THE JOB!” Jack remembered this one very distinctly, this is why, no matter how afraid he was, he had to finish the job and take care of this beast no matter what, so it didn’t hurt anyone else. His dad’s words gave him the courage to keep working on the trap he was creating for the beast once is returned from it’s hunt. The trap he was working on was actually quite simple. He found some ropes laying around the back of the old cage he was in, the place he was in was a small log cabin like setting, “Not with liveable conditions… or not for humans at least…” thought Jack, this was supposedly the lair of, “The Beast.” He tied the ropes around a small boulder he found just outside the cabin, then he tied it through a hook in the ceiling and onto another hook he hammered into the floorboards, so all he had to do was use the small rusty dagger he found laying around, to cut the rope once the beast walked in. While jack was waiting near the door he found a small beat up scroll laying on a small wooden table, it read: “He who reads this shall be cursed, only once and only the evil you will hearth, from this day on you shall take its place, no other being can take it away, your greed and pride has brought you here, and now you shall pay the price by being put in the eternal hell”. “Man that’s creepy, I wonder how this poem got here, I mean that thing that kidnapped me couldn’t be able to read, could it?” wonders Jack. “It can’t be a good sign, for whatever reason that creature’s been terrorizing these woods, it ends tonight, one way or the other” confirms Jack, as he tightens the knots around the hooks of the trap he’s set up for the beast. “There’s nothing to do now but wait for that thing return, so I can finish it off once and for all!” thinks Jack angrily, and with that he sits behind the rotting wooden door of the cabin and waits for his prey.

Meanwhile Mike and Kait have nearly given up hope on Jack. They’ve told everyone the story and even set up missing person posters around town. kait’s mom filed a missing person report as soon she heard Kait and Mike’s story, but the cops haven’t been able to find anything over the past three days. Kait’s mom has been disturbingly quiet the past few days Jack has been gone, and Kait has been beginning to blame herself for Jack’s disappearance. “If only I would’ve just told mom right away, maybe, just maybe, Jack would still be here today”, wonders Kait, sadly. “I’m such a stupid sister!”, wonders kait aloud. “Kait? What’s the matter?” asks Mike considerately, “It’s all my fault Mike, if only I would’ve just told someone sooner about Jack, then maybe he’d still be here now”, says Kait with tears in her eyes. “Hey! Don’t do that to yourself, you didn’t know he would disappear, and besides, this is Jack we’re talking about here, so don’t worry, we’ll find him”, says Mike half heartedly. “Sure, Mike” responds Kait quietly. “I mean it Kait, we will find him, got it!” says Mike trying to sound as enthusiastic as he possibly can. Kait doesn’t respond. Even Mike eventually starts to lose hope. He begins to think about the old story he heard from this old guy at the park. When Mike was sitting down at a bench in the park one day, he threw a frisbee into an opening of the woods, and as he was about to run off into woods to retrieve his frisbee, he was stopped by a strange old man who was now sitting on the bench Mike was a moment ago. The old man said, “Don’t go near those woods boy, if you know what’s good for ya, those woods have been the home to the “Jersey Devil”, for centuries and he’s recently been reawakened!” Mike then turned around to look at the opening of the woods, and just as he was about to ask the old man what he was talking about, when he turned around to face the bench again, the old man wasn’t there anymore. Mike also had this little confession to tell Jack, he was the one that started the rumors of, “The Beast”, he thought it would sound cooler than, “The Jersey Devil”. But deep down he half believed the old man, but he didn’t know why. The only thing he knows is that he has been trying to avoid those woods ever since he had that encounter with the strange old man.

As Jack stayed sharp listening for any sudden sounds, partial light started to cover the sky, it was dawn.......... The time of day “The Beast” usually returned from it’s hunt. Jack found himself shivering a little, but he just reminded himself that he had to do this or that monster would hurt someone else. “I HAVE TO DO THIS”, says Jack aloud, reminding himself that all he had to was cut the rope, and it would all be over, and if that wasn’t enough.... then he’d finish off the beast himself. As Jack was gathering his thoughts, he heard a noise coming from outside,it was faint but it was right behind the door, he thought he heard some quiet breathing, so he braced himself for the worst and clutched the dagger in his hands real tight. The door opened, and Jack couldn’t believe his eyes, it was Mike, and he looked scared to death, he was wearing usual light colored skinny jeans and some old video game themed T-shirt, that said “Battlefield 3” on it in bold across his chest, his face was pale and his blond hair seemed to be standing up slightly, probably from fear. “Jack! You’re alive... Where the heck have you been? We’ve all been worried sick!” hollers Mike in surprise. “Man, I’m glad to see you” says Jack with relief, “But we have to hide, it’ll be here soon, I’ll explain later, but for now just close the door and stand next to me, and no matter what, DON’T SCREAM!”, says Jack franticly. “Ok bro, but we have to get back home soon” says Mike, and with that he follows Jack’s orders. Just as Mike is about to stand ready behind the door, both Jack and Mike here it. Something’s coming toward the cabin, something big that’s breaking large branches and sticks under it’s feet. “Crack, Snap!” goes the branches and sticks as the creature draws near, both Jack and Mike are standing ready at the door to attack, but they seem to be paralyzed with fear. The door creaks open hiding Jack and Mike. “The Beast”, is 7 feet tall with a hunched back and long curved head that looks like a Tyrannosaurus Rex’s, it’s skin is scalley all over, and it has giant hooves for feet, on it’s back are giant scrunched bat wings, and it has moose antlers sticking out of its head, “It’s pure evil” thinks Jack with disgust. The thing nods it’s head slightly towards Jack and Mike as if sniffing the air. “It’s caught our scent...”, thinks Jack with horror. At the very last moment Jack cuts the rope and the large rock falls on the creatures head knocking it out. Once Jack’s sure the creature’s dead he hollers, “RUN!”, and with that the two friends bolt away. As they’re running Jack feels unsure if the creature was actually dead or not but he doesn’t care, all he wants now is to get back home. The two friends are almost home when Jack hears something behind them. The color drains from his face and all the dread he felt earlier seeps back into his chest, “JUST KEEP RUNNING!” Jack says to Mike, and then he turns around right in time just as they reach the opening of the woods towards Jack’s home. Clutching the dagger Jack drives it through the thing’s eye and it collapses on the ground. “The Beast” is dead!” thinks Jack in relief as he bolts out of the woods, and just as he turns around to look at the monster’s dead body, it’s not there.... Jack catches up with Mike. “Dude, you look terrible...” says Mike. Jack was wearing his usual leather jacket with the arms cut off, but it was ripped and more wrinkled than usual, his casual dark jeans we’re also in bad shape, with blood stains and rips in them. Jack hadn’t understood where the body went, but he didn’t care, all he wanted to do was get away from those woods. As the two friends were walking home, Jack explained his situation to Mike and Mike admitted that he was the one that started the rumors of, “The Beast”, and that they weren’t completely actual lies. Mike explained about his strange encounter with the old man to Jack, as well, but Jack seemed too tired to care anyway. “Man, I can’t wait to get home, but how did you find me?”, asks Jack tiredly. “Well once I finally got the courage to go look for you in the woods, I decided to not tell anyone, I figured your sister would want to come, and I thought that it was best she wasn’t out this late at night”, says Mike in a small voice. “Thanks...” says Jack quietly, “What for?”, asks Mike. “For taking care of Kait and finding me while I was gone”, answers Jack. “Oh, no problem, that’s what friends are for”, says Mike. As the two arrive home, they’re greeted by Kait, who was waiting at the front porch of her house, then she started hollering for her mom. Pretty soon Mike went home and Jack was at home sleeping. The next morning Jack told the police about what happened to him, but instead of saying that he was kidnapped by a monster he said he didn’t quite see the kidnappers face. The police searched the woods but couldn’t find any trace of the cabin Jack was held captive in. Eventually this whole thing wore off and Jack was back to his normal life, but he never, and to this day, still hasn’t set foot anywhere near those woods......... So if you ever go to New Jersey, just remember this story, and hopefully, for whatever reason, YOU’LL NEVER END UP IN THOSE WOODS, at least not without a friend that you know will come looking for you, because if they don’t, then chances are you’ll never make it out alive...............         



                                             
THE END

6 comments:

  1. Mikkel,
    I really liked the plot of your story. It was very exciting the idea of a beast and someone brave enough to try and get rid of it. I also liked it switched from being Jack's and then Mike's point of view. It added more effect to your story. I liked how you characterized Jack and Mike very well. You showed there thoughts and helped the reader know how much every action they made meant to them and it makes readers understand them better which is really great when writing a story
    What made Jack and Kait go into the woods in the first place at the beginning of the story? Also, how did Jack's father die? I feel if the reader knew how then they would have even more sympathy and want Jack to fight.
    I suggest that you just reread your story. I noticed many minor grammar and punctuation errors When writing dialogue and you're switching from one person to another, you should create a new paragraph. Also, you had some tense errors. You would start writing in past tense and then switch to present tense. I felt that the ending wasn't necessary where you started talking to the reader. It kind of took away the effect of the whole story.
    With a few tweaks, I bet your story will be even better than it is already!
    Selena D.

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  2. I thought you did a great job of including the boogie man in your story! Your story had a great plot, but I saw many minor grammar issues. There was also a problem of what tense you are writing in. You should just pick one tense to write with. For example, I write my stories in past tense and use words such as said, did, was, etc.. I agree with Selena on the ending; I think most of it is unnecessary, and it just makes it a longer story. Other than what I pointed out, your story is excellent!

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  3. I thought your story was great and I was very anxious to see what was going to happen next. There were many grammar and punctuation errors that were easily fixable. One thing you could change was when they were asking questions or yelling, you put "?!?!?!?!?!?!" at the end of the sentence and it distracted me from what was going on in the story. Also towards the end it seems to drag on and have no point to it. Your story didn't have to be super long it just needs to make sense and be creative. However you did a good job describing things and it felt like I was another character in the story. You did a great job!

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  5. I enjoyed the fact that the story changes the point of view. I believe that this was a great choice for the story because it adds to the complexity of the characters by knowing what they are thinking. This said, the characterization of Jack and Mike was wonderful. You may have done too good of a job describing the characters and setting, as for your story looks as though it far exceeds the maximum page number.

    As it has been mentioned before, the story seems to be excessively long with many grammatical and tense errors. However, I did notice that some of the dialogue was not incorporated correctly being that you did not use a comma when needed, or placed it improperly. I would be sure to revise this along with additional mistakes mentioned by others. Besides these errors I have mentioned, your story is great. Fantastic work!

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  6. I thought your story did a good job of creating suspense, and like others who ave previously commented, I was quite eager to find out what happened next. I liked how, while not technically correct, you used "?!" so that the reader could understand the intensity of the situation at hand. There were a few grammatical and punctuational errors every so often, however these can be fixed with relatively minor revisions. I have to suggest avoiding using all capital letters, such as when you said, "YOU’LL NEVER END UP IN THOSE WOODS" as it just seems unnecessary. I do enjoy the story thus far and I believe that once refined, it will make a great story.

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